The Piney Year in Review

Wow - what a difference a year makes. We started out 2008 high on the knowledge that we had adopted 2 of our 4 children and were well on our way to adopting our other two kids. We vowed we would redo our house but last year in Jan had no idea that redoing meant moving.
February started the whirlwind of house buying process and the next few months flew by ( although at the time I thought I was in a Slowski turtle commercial ) My India trip got canceled ( or rather never scheduled) due to all the excitement going on but I cant say I was too disappointed- I'm kind of fond toilet paper and am not sure I could adjust to 10 days without it-especially in 104 degree weather.

In April we made Diesel an official member of the family by getting him fixed and registered. He was excited but did question why no one else that got adopted got the same royal treatment.
Around the same time, we had our moving garage sale and I got see first hand why selling our home in Mount Holly and getting out was a good idea. About a week later a gas station attendant was killed down the road, further solidifying the fact that we no longer wished to call Mount Holly our home.

In June we finally adopted Hailey and Justin, making everything official. A week later we moved and true to our nature we were running on Shearer Standard Time ( meaning we barely made it ).Of course the move itself was not exciting enough so during the move my hubby backed the moving truck into my car leaving me with a condition known as PBD- ( permanent bumper damage).

The next few months we spent getting adjusted to the house and it's "interesting" wallpaper choices and learning about nature and country living ( dead horses, flying squirrels, rabid raccoons, oh my ! )as desribed in detail in my previous blogs.

August of course was our fant-abulous adoption party compelet with horse poop ( what's a Piney Party with horse DOO DOO ) and in September the schools got to meet the Shearer clan ( although the public schools have not seen Justin yet, - in September 2010- watch the paper for news of a mass retirement by teachers in the TES school district ) Hailey made a new best friend and the Jenny daily report started." Jenny had a skirt on today. Jenny had purple in her hair today. Jenny burped today... you get the picture." We all love Jenny though so meeting her was a great thing !

In October I got to experience the Indian festival of Durga Puja first hand and fully got appreciate how people get trampled to death in India. The Indian culture is definitely one, unlike ours, that does not have individual space hang ups. So instead of going to the altar in a nice neat orderly fashion as Catholics do to receive communion, the Indian people rush for the milk and fruits ( instead of wine and bread) sort of like a people mobbing Bon Jovi in a crowd for autographs. It's intense and I found it best to stay out of the way.

Later that month as the economy nosedived so did my job and my health. Marybeth,wonderful friend that she is, pulled through and helped with Hailey's birthday party creating cupcakes and a cake I wont soon forget. My husband disappeared to a fish cult event and that day and his family wont let him forget that ! Halloween with me sick was less than exciting but we pulled through. ( My witch cackle is not the same without lung capacity )

In November, in addition to us getting a very different kind of president ( a better one we hope) the doctor diagnosed me with whooping cough ( a diagnosis he is not so sure about now ) and my hours at work got cut to half. I did however start to feel better and my house began the Christmas transformation.

This past month flew by with Christmas coming and going at record speed. My job disappeared and my mysterious lung illness reappeared leaving me where I am now - sitting on a damned recliner ( sorry getting annoyed with my lungs ) while the kids nap so they can see the ball drop and wear party hats tonight - Woohoo! According to my doctor who I got visit on an emergency basis yesterday , I have an allergy that is causing me to not breathe or rather cough my guts out so I cant breathe. We have yet to find the allergen causing my distress but I'm thinking Donald may have to start waxing ......... okay went into a coughing laughing fit thinking about THAT expense ( you know I love you dear : ) just teasing )

Anyway it's been a tumultuous year and one I look at sort of like the film the Titanic. It started out with opulence and excitement and ended up in disaster. But like Rose in the Titanic , I will survive- its what I do and makes me who I am. 2008 may be ending a a bit of a low but I have a beautiful family and house I adore and I am determined to make a comeback in 2009.

As they say when one door closes, another opens. I firmly believe that so perhaps losing my job means I have to focus harder on my real estate career and being ill simply means I have to take better care of my health and lose weight. As a wise but unknown man once said
Life's problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them
So stay tuned as I get ready to set sail again in 2009 and on behalf of all of us piney peeps down here - Have a happier year in 2009 than a possum in the corncrib with the dog tied up ( and yes DEE that was just for you !)

Changes at the North Pole

I spent today wrapping presents- Hours and hours of wrapping. I'm doing all this damned work so the Grinch doesn't have to. I think I'm a GREAT wife right about now ( sorry to throw that in but I'm starting to get damned tired)
Now mind you I hate wrapping so while I was sitting there folding paper until my fingers bled - I had nothing to do but muse about some of the changes that are happening at the North Pole....

Because of the ADA ( American with Disabilities Act),Santa has now had to hire handicapped elves. This is evident in the matter in which the gifts are wrapped
(some people are just born wrapping impaired and I fully admit to being one of them)Obviously Santa has put some of his more mentally challenged elves in the wrapping section but we are happy to see he is complying with the federal government.

In order to get into this year's GOING GREEN theme, Santa has eliminated boxes on clothing for persons under 52". The majority of those under 52" are children and could care less if their gifts are in a paper bag ( why are we getting clothing anyway? yeck !)and anyone else that falls into that category is so short they don't need a box to contain their clothes. This (and reindeer poop) is Santa's way of giving to the environment and being cost conscious

In order to cut costs, bows have been eliminated completely. They are over rated frilly things that were only designed to make a cheap gift look more expensive and a complete waste of time especially since children's eyes are so glazed on Christmas morning over they don't see the damned things anyway.


Also, Santa recently announced that there will be class held for all new elves next year in outside decorating with lights. Apparently some of the elves this year did not understand the principle of electricity and stapled through some light strands while decorating and trying to be helpful. There was an Emergency remediation class held late this year as Santa got tired of having to replace fuses.


Finally a memo has gone out advising elves that picking a Christmas tree in the woods should not take more than 45 minutes and certainly not over 2 hours. After spending that much time looking at trees, elves tend to get blurry eyed and are apt to pick any tree in haste which result in trees that looked good in the woods but are in reality quite crooked and half bare when they are erected indoors.

Santa would like to thank the elves for all their hard work this year and promise they will be handsomely rewarded this year at Christmas.( hint Hint)

The breakdown

It's less than a week until my 38th birthday and I know some of you have been wondering why I haven't written anything. I mean obviously waking up on Thanksgiving morning to a completely frozen turkey is worth a few lines. Unfortunately apparently in conjunction with my upcoming birthday I am having some kind of breakdown and have been preoccupied. I have been cleaning all week. I even had Donald help me clean the ceiling fans. I know I know , cleaning is a good thing right? Wrong - Has anyone met my mother? I love her dearly but if I am to suffer that same fate of obsessiveness I say kill me now. Personally I think it's just sort of passing thing - kind of like the flu but with Mr Clean and Windex ( which reminds me I need to go do the bathroom floors). If it turns out to be a terminal condition please send your condolences to Donald - I know what my dad goes through .

We're all getting in high gear here for the big man to arrive ( Santa not my father ). Over the past several weeks I have baked 12 kinds of cookies, made rum balls and fudge. I still have a few more things to make. We're doing a house of rice krispie treats, lollipops and choco pretzels in addition to a few more cookies. To say we're busy is an understatement but we're having fun.

I seem to be having more fun in general this year with Christmas ( of course I haven't attempted wrapping yet - talk to me next week.) I'm assuming not dealing with DYFS is helping that along - that and the picturesque country scenes that abound down here.I'm trying to create a festive time this year not only for the kids but for Donald as well. He's the original Grinch and I'm bound and determine this year to make sure his Christmas heart grows three sizes this year!


It's hunting season this week and the deer are going crazy escaping the lunatics in orange. The hunters are out of control . They now all get in a truck and chase the deer to a fellow hunter who has a gun- its called running ( sounds fair doesn't it ). They are so out of control in this area my neighbor that during this week she has to write HORSE in big white letters across her horses in order to keep them safe from being shot. I mean really -can you imagine this conversation at the bar "Well golly gee , It LOOKED like a deer from that distance- I mean it had 4 legs and all"

On that note, I think we should push for legislation that to make the hunting season more exciting, if a homeowner looks out their back window and can see a hunter in the woods- they should be able to shoot at the hunters. At least that may add some excitement to the sport AND help reduce the population of hillbillies with guns.

Just a reminder for those of you in a generous mood this holiday season and thinking of giving to a good cause, we are still collecting monies to help fund Donald's tropical fish fund. He has an empty 120 gallon tank in my den ( across from the OTHER 120 gallon reef tank )and as you know - there is nothing sadder than an empty saltwater fish tank. So if you loved NEMO send your donations to dshearerjr@aol.com

Talk to everyone soon. Happy Christmas Planning !

You might be a redneck if.......

I have no doubt that if Jeff Foxworthy moved to Tabernacle , NJ he would have tons of material for his You Might be a Redneck if comedy routine he does. I have added some that I have personally seen and experienced.

You might be a Redneck if.... you meet all of your new neighbors for the first time due to animal discussions.. specifically chiggers, dead horses and rabid raccoons.

You might be a Redneck if...... when you meet your neighbor and he informs you there is a rabid racoon running loose and if I should happen to hear a loud bang - not to worry - it was him offing said racoon.

You might be a Redneck if......the heater repair man tells you your other neighbor had a dead deer in his yard and tied a rope to it and drug it into the woods across the street to get rid of it.


You might be a Redneck if ...the same guy tells you after he was done he soaked the rope in bleach ( instead of throwing it out ) to get the blood off of it!

You might be a Redneck if - you take the kids to the bus accompianed by 6 guinea hens and a chicken.

You might be a Redneck if - you get a bird in the sunroom while trying to scoot it OUT have to fight to keep guinea hesn from coming IN.

Finally you might be a Redneck if you happen to enjoy all these adventures!

Life in Podunk

As many of you know, I have been really ill for the past 3 weeks. Those of you who where lucky enough to be here the weekend before Halloween got to see me coughing and gagging in person. I went on my annual trip to ER right after that and a week later was still not better so I broke down and went to my doctor. He thinks I probably have Whooping Cough - WHAT?!?

Yes true to the Shearer/McGorvin names I bear - I have once again got something unusual. My doctor did one of those very sophisticated tests where he stuffed a two ft swabby stick up my nose and touched my throat. Supposedly that's the Whooping Cough test and we now wait for the cultures. ( stupid me I figured with modern science he could maybe just do blood work ) The funny thing is that the doctor informed me if the tests come back positive- the government will be contacting me. I'm not sure why but Donald now swears he will wake up to long plastic tube like hallways in his home. Here's the kicker though - I still need the treatment (which thankfully is just a week of antibiotics) because 50% of the cases that are positive test negative. Gotta love modern medicine. If anyone knows of a good witch doctor -please let me know - something tells me with native american medicine I wouldn't have to use this stupid nebulizer I get to have now- although kind of think of it , it does resemble a peace pipe.

In other wonderful news, my company is having some economical difficulties so I am now a part time employee- at least for now. While the reduction in pay sucks, at least I can focus on the holidays a bit more and make all those homemade gifts that once screamed CHEAP but are now acceptable due to the economy.

That's the general update - now the Podunk daily - as you might have been able to tell we live in a slightly rural type community. I have found this to be evident lately on a few occasions. 1. I went to order Pizza for delivery and was told "We don't deliver on Friday nights" - did I miss something? Perhaps all the local teens that normally work go down to the holler on Friday nights or maybe there's some kind of redneck Pizza rule I don't know about - all I know is if you get hungry for pizza on Friday nights - prepare to drive.
2. We attended a bonfire last weekend in my neighbor's yard ( yes next door - bonfire) where we roasted hot dogs on sticks and she handed down her sage advice to me once again about country living "if a snake gets stuck in a mouse trap -use peanut butter".... okaaaaay...........I didn't ask - I really couldn't bring myself to . I didn't want to appear stupid but all night I kept thinking - Do you lube the snake with peanut butter to get it out? Do I use it as a lure and if so should I offer it jelly too ? These are questions I hope I never have answered
3.
My latest clue to the fact that I live among rednecks happened today . We are having some washer issues that involve septic and things I'd rather not know about ( I just want the thang thing done fixed) Because of those issues , my husband came home and we had to haul our laundry - all 500lbs of it - to the laundromat. I obviously was not ahppy about having to do this but then I saw the sign that made it all worth it -There displayed prominently was a pretty printed sign on the wall that read: PLEASE DO NOT WASH HORSE BLANKETS ( complete with a picture of a horse with the circle slash mark across it) Talk about overloading a washer. Yes folks we live in the country.

Finally we need to discuss the election. We who live in the sticks are not ignorant to what is happening in the world and even our children have been involved in all the election talks. Hailey in her infinite wisdom of 5 explained it all to Donald the other night - "Daddy - did you know that Rock Obama won the election? It's not fair I wanted the Pajama King ( say it fast people ) to win! Hailey, apparently you are not alone

Not in Edison Anymore

Okay I know I just posted a few days ago but once again I have been reminded that no TOTO we don't live in Edison anymore. My first reminder came over the weekend as I was visiting my neighbor's garage sale. My neighbor was talking about how around this time of year she keeps a carpet knife handy because .. now get this.. lots of deer get hit on our road and you never know when one of them might be pregnant. Apparently I missed how to birth a baby deer out of a dead pregnant mother in the Tabernacle handbook. The previous owners certainly left me recycle cans but not a carpet knife -- who knew.


My second reminder came today as my mother and I watched my dogs play together chasing - what thought was a ball. Odd I thought, they normally ignore each other. Finally I heard the ball squeak and my mother shriek and I knew the "ball" was furry. Above my mother's OOOOOHHHHs , I got to go see what I assumed would be a dead mouse that Diesel killed in our not finished laundry room. This mouse was certainly mouse size but was 1. not dead and 2. had a furry tail. Now I dont claim to be a wildlife expert but I was pretty sure mice don't have furry tails. Finally amid my mother's carrying on, I found gloves , got a plastic bag and transported our little mystery furry friend to the rear of the property where I let him go he looked startled at me for a moment and then scampered up a tree.
I assumed that since he scampered so quickly up a tree he was a baby squirrel but upon calling my wildlife expert friend Robin, was told promptly what I was describing was a flying squirrel. I went on line and looked it up and YUP apparently I had gotten to hold a flying squirrel. Gotta love the Pine barrens

If anyone has any books on barnyard, wildlife, animal identification please let me know. Also any animal vet books would be helpful. Something tells me they will come in mighty handy down here.

Haileys Birthday

Hailey's birthday is today. I realized this last night ... at about 6pm. I know I know - bad mommy. She's having a party Saturday, I have bronchitis and we have a bazillion things going on so somehow I didnt realize the date - that was until last night.

After dinner last night Donald started the kids carving the pumpkins we have had sitting for two weeks ( did I mention we've been a tad busy?). Me , realizing it was my daughter's birthday and knowing if I didn't send in cupcakes she'd be in a therpay session bitching about me 20 years from now, decided to whip them up. ( yes mom I STILL have not gotten over the cupcake trauma)

So here I am coughing and gagging and trying very hard not to infect the star shaped cupcakes ( hopefully the antibiotics and baking will keep them safe) and trying to balance yells of "Mom! Come scoop out your pumkpin!" from the back porch. Somehow in all the chaos , I got eggs on my hands and wiped my eye. well as you know I am allergic to eggs. So now my eye swells up and I look like I'm practicing for Halloween early. Now I have to take Benydryl . I also have to take a double dose of antibiotics because I missed a dose, Mucinex for my cough and a very small dose of Ambien to make me sleep. I realize I have now taken enough medication to subdue a horse.

Finally after all the kiddies are gone to bed and my eye starts unswelling I come down to go on the computer. I have to look for a gift for my 5 year old that wants a quad and a kitten ( I'm allergic to cats and not ready for quads yet ). I never did find anything. I got a report from my friend, hero and Executive of party planning, Marybeth, who thank god loves me and is helping with the party this weekend as to what she went out and purchased ( we love her !) and what I needed to get and then I collapsed into bed.

This morning after the kids went to school I realized a dead mom isn't really such a great mom so I finally decided to rest. I slept 4 hours straight. I guess I needed some rest.

Anyway I feel better about Hailey's birthday because I got her cupcakes done and took munchkins in to daycare for snack. ( my kids have to go to 2 schools ) Donald and I put a card in her lunchbag to wish her a happy birthday and surprise her. Lord knows we try...

I like to try and make my kids favorite meals on their birthdays and I have to say I'm happy about tonight's dinner. Hailey is very simple , which when you're a Mommy not feeling well you appreciate. We're having hot dogs and mac and cheese - Thank you Kraft.

emailed blog

Please excuse my blog as it moves from one blog site to another. I'm experiencing technical blogging difficulties so for this update I'll have to do this the old fashioned way through email.

Life down here is moving swiftly as usual. Donald is back to work and we've discovered that his working is causing us to go bankrupt due to the high cost of fuel. George Bush says not to panic though, so I'm trying to stay calm about it.

We took the kids pumpkin and apple picking yesterday. Once we explained that we picked the apples on the trees and not on the ground , things went well. Tyler tried to find the biggest pumpkin he could get and Justin , who loves our new house, just kept saying OK we- go home now?. After buying enough apples and pumpkins to start our own farm, we continued on to Seasonal World in Jackson to check out the cool Halloween decorations. Jacob is getting much better about costumes and such and only occasionally now does he glue himself to his father when he sees moving decorations in the Halloween store. ( he's good now until the smoke machine starts - after that all bets are off) . We purchased our decorations and since we were in Jackson , Donald thought it might be a good idea to go through the Safari at Great Adventure.

It was during the safari that I realized my children's future lie in proctology. They spent the better part of the next two hours, pointing out that the elephants, zebra's,emu's , kangaroos. etc had butts. This was pointed out to us in detail in the baboon area, as the have RED butts. They also proceeded to show us all the animal POOP. We saw elephant poop, and emu poop and rhinoceros poop plus countless other kinds of wildlife poop. The children were so enthralled by the poop that Donald has decided our next field trip should be to the sewage plant. It takes so little to amuse kids. We were also visited by a friendly giraffe who clicked his teeth on my window and licked our sunroof on the truck. You can imagine the volume in the truck when that went down. I don't think I'll hear out my left ear for a while now.

After we left the safari, we decided it was too late to come home and cook so we decided to find somewhere to eat. Thanks to the wonders of GPS systems we were led to a place that doesn't exist. Finally we ended up in Whiting at a local little diner. If anyone is familiar with Whiting , they know the town's youngest resident went to school with Teddy Roosevelt. I wish I would have had a camera when we walked in with 4 small children. It brought me right back to "Easter Bunny is Coming to Town"and Somberville- where kids are outlawed. You would have thought we walked in with a four headed polka dotted dog. After the shock wore off though they were very nice and gave the kids crayons and books and dinner went on uneventful.

All in all we had a great day yesterday. The kids were good and we had no tears ( it's a record I think ).

Today we decorated the house for Halloween while Justin chased the guinea hen and Henrietta around because he realized they were allowed to roam free. Don't ask me what he would do if he caught one of them, but you know Justin - he likes to cause a commotion. I walked out to see hens going by rather quickly , followed by a little blonde boy , followed by a man yelling "JUSTIN!". Shortly thereafter Justin took a nap.

This evening we went to look at the Halloween decorations in the dark as we do every year. The only difference is we had to take the golf cart out front to ride up and down to look at them. I had to laugh because in Mount Holly we would have been halfway across the yard to get to the golf cart. It's a little different out here but that's why we love it. Things are definitely different here. It's not all sugar and roses ( just mention electricity to Donald this evening and you'll see what I mean ) but we are definitely happy. This morning I heard Tyler giggle as he played with his brother in the driveway and I realized that his giggling without a care in the world was the greatest sound in the world.
Yes the schools are a little funky ( no candy allowed even for Halloween plus we have SPA - supervised physical activity time instead of recess),and nothing is convenient but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

The Party's Over

Have you ever seen a grown woman break down into tears into seconds? You should have been here Friday when my husband announced he was going back to work. Tears of joy I suppose your thinking as most people would be thrilled to see their mate making a living - just remember, I am definitely not most people. I'm falling apart.

For one thing I HATE MORNINGS. Donald , bless his soul, has been taking the morning duty off of my shoulders. I haven't had to deal with the blinding sunlight, the kids fighting or the friendly banter to the bus drivers,as my kids get off to school (I don't do friendly banter until after 10 some days not until after 12). Plus I actually have to leave the house to get Justin to daycare which means more friendly banter with his teachers ( Yuck )

Another reason I'm distressed is my laundry room. You remember the one I posted about many months ago that was under construction? Guess what . Still is and now with him off to work during the week, still will be for oh  about a century or  so...

Finally though  I think my distress comes simply because  I'll just miss him. I was getting used to him disappearing for 3 hours a day to go to Lowe's. ( if you have Lowe's stock - sell it now because it's about to  plummet without Donald there everyday ). We had a daily game going.  He'd take Justin to school- not come home and I got to guess where he was. The choices were Lowes or Home Depot - 90 % of the time Lowes so it wasn't really a complicated game but it was fun. I was sort of like playing a combination of 20 questions and Where's Waldo but with Nextel's.

 " Are you in a store? "

" Yes" "

"Is it in NJ "

" Yes"

" Is it costing me tons of money?"

" yes"........ etc etc

I guess I'll have to adjust to this somehow. On the plus side ,we'll be getting more money (plus saving a  ton from the daily Lowes trips.) Also on the plus side is that he is leaving me home alone. Home  alone with a house full of wallpaper that is ready to fall off and multiple projects that I have been prohibited from doing. ( the man moves like a cat - I peel one strip of wallpaper and he's behind me "what do you think you are doing") Now the house will be left unprotected.

Anyway I'm still a little upset about him going back. Not quite as upset as my kids though. Ask any one of them and they  will recite - Mommy does not like mornings. At least they know. Oh well this coming week should be fun. If you hear loud sobbing , don't worry - it's only me.

Potpourri

Kids are back to school so life has been busy. We are getting into the swing of things but it's still hectic. Our calendar is so full , we need extensions. By the way if anyone knows how to extend the day by another 2- 4 hours, please let me know- we can use the time.

On Mondays we have school and then Jacob has speech afterwards. On Tuesdays after dinner the three youngest have gymnastics and Tyler does Karate at the same time ( obviously Donald and I get to split up that evening ) Wednesday is show and tell day for Jacob and Hailey - each have different themes of course and this week we had the added bonus of having Red  White and Blue day  because of course I have all kinds of red white and blue clothes lying around for the fall.  ( I so love schools ) Wednesday is also Tyler's library day and Jacob has speech after school. Thursday normally so far is open besides the normal homework,make lunches for 4 kids that all want different items  night  and pick out clothes for prissy kids things that we do every night. This week however I get the added bonus of having to send  Jacob with a shirt that has a pattern to it. I picked out a shirt with alternating skulls on it. I figured after the recent hand grenade scare last week , they'd appreciate it..or not.

You see last Friday one of our lovely township kids brought in a hand grenade for show and tell. The school was less than thrilled as were the State Police who got called in. Turns out it wasn't a REAL ( Gee Mom - what's the big deal?) hand grenade - just a replica. I'm sure the Principal who had to move a whole school of kids to another area in 5 minutes was thrilled with that parent for helping picking a very interesting show and tell item. After all they do tell us to send something interesting in that the child can talk about. I have to admit a hand grenade is interesting ( although it wouldn't have been my choice).

In addition to school and extra curricular activities for kids, I have my full time job, I'm working real estate part time (www.kellyashearer.com ) and coming later  in the fall will be launching a new line of sleepwear along with my very talented graphic artist partner  Marybeth.  The sleepwear, incidentally,  was inspired by a now infamous unflattering e-mail from my boss (who has since graciously apologized). There is nothing like the power of anger to enflame an idea. Stay tuned for the website and online store in time for Christmas ordering

I've also volunteered as class Momma for Tyler and  for the PTA ( I want to ensure I keep busy ) . Speaking of which - the Tabernacle PTA is hawking STUFF.  The great thing about it is I can annoy all my loyal blog readers because you can now support the PTA online by buying the stuff! 

Simply visit http://www.cherrydale.com/shop/ and when you check out  choose Tabernacle Elementary School !

 This coming weekend, Donald and I will  have been married to each other for 6 years and to celebrate that HUGE achievement ( trust me,we annoy each other equally - thank god we love each other or we couldn't have made it ) we are going away WITHOUT the children. This is thanks to generosity of my sister in law Heather who will be taking two kids , caring for our house and pets and  to my parents who will be taking the other two.

It's not that we don't love our children - we love them immensely , but when I was cleaning our closet this past weekend and found 15 DAD shirts in Donald's wardrobe, I knew we were going through a slight identity crisis.  So as of Friday we are off to the mountains of CT sans kids  where will  celebrate 6 years of wedded bliss - oh and enough  emotional roller coaster rides to fill 3 theme parks.

Hasta La Vista - until next time!

Living with a Superhero

I have often wondered how Robin felt being second fiddle to Batman.  It couldn't have been easy for him to be standing gallantly - waiting in his crime fighter attire to snap into action - only to have everyone say the same thing to him "Where's Batman ". The pain the boy must have felt at not being recognized as a super hero - it is a pain ony he and mothers can understand.  It's like when a child bounces in carrying a broken toy car- The mother reaches for it  in an attempt to help possibly fix it only to be shot an annoyed look by  a young child " Where's Dad?"

I live with Super Dad and his fan club and while usually its okay- after his 4th or 5th heroic deed in a day  that has fans chanting " GO SUPER DAD GO " - I just want to wrap his cape around his neck. You see like Robin , I am SuperDad's little Superhero helper.  I could never live up to his reputation or do the wonderous things he does but occasionally I am needed.

This morning I decided to help assemble a complicated toy for my kids  They were happy and offered support . I was struggling along and eventually would have gotten it together. Granted they might have been too old to play with it , but I would have eventually prevailed. Then "HE" appeared in the doorway and my collective group of kids turned on me. " SUPER DAD is here!!!!! Heee can fix it. So he swooped down and in seconds had put together the toy  " YEAH SUPER DAD"

Later that day I was trying to figure out how to do a craft project Jacob needed for school. He had to cover a shoe box with paper and decorate it. I was still planning when I heard spraying and laughing. I went to find the HERO had   gone into his secret compartment of  superhero tools and pulled out spray glue that I didnt even know we had. Quicker than a speeding bullet he assembled Jacobs box. -

Usually while he does his superhero feats  I sit in my obligitory spot  to do my super hero job.You see while I dont save art projects , assemble toys , put together bunk beds, lift heavy objects or do wonderous breakfasts with egg- I hold the information the children seek. I usually know where Dad is. So  as Super Dad's second in command it's my super duty to point the young needy ones in his direction "Where's Dad" " In the garage" " Mom Where did Daddy? g....- " Upstairs"  " Have you seen D.....? - "Down in the basement "  Most times I cut them off before they finish. I don't even bother to ask who they are looking for. Usually their needy face tells me they need a hero and by the look I get - I know that hero is not me.

 I guess sometimes it's a little disappointing not to be the one with the glory and Superdad keeps telling me I'm jealous.  But really, why would I be jealous? While he may get to wear the cape and get the glory - what the kids dont realize is that SUPER MOM tells him which cape to wear!

Jersey Devil rides again

It's 5 am and I'm awake  and anyone who knows me , knows that is not me.  ( okay it's not actually 5 am now but I wrote this in my head and didn't feel like schlepping down 2 flights of stairs that early in the AM to get to my computer so bear with me).  I am awakened by an odd noise I have never heard before. It sounds as if it's a far off plaintiff wail.  It was a horrendous noise- especially at 5 am !AHA! I think - the jersey devil! I get up and my faithful  ( but lazy ) companion Jack is sprawled out in the hallway - alert , awake and looking curiously but making no effort to move. I turn to motion to my other faithful companion Diesel and he snores - so much for my guard dog.

So it's me and Jack - everyone else is asleep. I go to bathroom window , look out and see?- Nothing ! It's way too dark ( what was I thinking - we live in the boonies) but the noise continues. Now for just a second I think about venturing downstairs and outside to check this out. I thought about it, but hey- it's 5 am and I  don't do mornings. So I move to plan B like any good investigator  would do - I wake my husband.

" Are you awake?" ( of course he's not It's 5 am for God sakes but polite protocol insists I ask )

He's a good husband so groggily he lies "Yes"

 " Did you hear that? It's the Jersey Devil  I know it. I have never heard anything like that before!"

I guess he was trying to be nice to the city girl  ( or he was being a smart ass as usual but was too sleepy to sound it ) because he said " Maybe I misheard it but it sounds like a Rooster to me"

 " It can't be it's dark" I argue.

  He rolls over , looks at the clock and says " Nope - it's about time for them to be up "

He listens again and right before he drifts back off says " Yup! Rooster"

At that point I start thinking and come to some pretty interesting realizations about myself.  The first thing is that I realize that I have never, ever heard a real rooster. Of course  I've heard what they supposedly sound like through kids  songs but I guess I never heard a real one - especially in the wild. The second point I realize is that I DONT want one . I had  kept telling Donald I wanted a rooster to provide Henrietta with a love interest but if they make that noise at that time of the  day , then Henrietta can live our her life as an old maid.

So the Jersey devil is still at large and I ,apparently have heard my first Rooster  that is not a part of Old McDonald's farm. Life is definitely different out here but I'm adjusting and it's always an adventure. Who knows- maybe tomorrow I'll hear a cow-  in the wild.

The house of magic

So we survived the picnic and everyone declared it a huge success-even the kachooga bugs and the fairies.

 What? Never heard of a Kachooga bug ? Don't worry no one else has either - they exist only at 218 Sooy Place Rd. and in the minds of my children You see we here live in a magic house - one where Mom's imagination makes it a different kind of place to live.

 I know some people don't agree with me and spend their time explaining the "facts" about life to their children so they can take on the adult world some day. Me? I'd rather let them be kids for a bit and learn about imagination.  I think we all  ( adults and children alike ) need a little imagination now and then  so I've decided that our new house will be magical.

 At our house we have Kachooga bugs. While most mere mortals refer to the noisy creatures at night as locusts- we know the truth. They are Kachooga bugs. They are purple with green teeth and after everyone goes to sleep ? A Kachooga bug party enuses  of course.

We also have the magical fairy tree. ( you might have noticed our twisty tree in the back yard ) The fairy tree is where once a month under the full moon, the fairy queen holds court and her fairies have a celebration, so of course full moons here are known as Fairy Moons.

Somewhere hidden in our house is the phone book of magical beings. You get this book complete with phone numbers of magical dignitaries such as the tooth fairy, Easter bunny , Santa clause etc. upon reaching adulthood. It is issued by none other than Santa himself and can not be touched by children. In the rare instance a child were to see it, it would of course , poof away in a puff of smoke.

If when you visited our house , you felt like you were being watched ,pay no attention to the feeling. They were the house sprites that live here. They are not harmful but mischievous little creatures that like to play practical jokes. They move things about and hide things especially on adults who are in a  hurry. They love watching big people run around and scratch their head in confusion.  While both Donald and I have experienced them first hand lately ,I  haven't informed the kids about these guys yet as I'd like them to sleep at night so shhhh. ( I can see it now - MOM!!! THEY'RE WATCHING ME!)

As you can see we've moved to the mystical Pinelands where mere ordinary creatures become extraordinary and magic abounds in the woods. I'm sure as we live here longer, we'll discover more magical beings - perhaps a dragon or some elves.   We might even come upon a chicken that lays colored eggs. So if you are ever feeling down and looking for a little fun - come visit- who knows  what  magic will abound that day - the Jersey devil himself  might even come out to say hi.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, The lovers, the dreamers and me.- Kermit the Frog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thEiXbovv98

 

Picnic Prep Continues

So the prep work for the picnic of the season continues here in the land of Pine Trees. I say the picnic of the season because of the mass attending it. We have people coming we haven't even invited - apparently word has gotten out and some people cant resist face painting and ponies.

Things are not going as smoothly as I would like. One of the major problems is me. I am not Martha Stewart. In fact I have as much in common with her as Darth Vadar has with Ghandi.  I hate cleaning, organizing and I have never in my life made a napkin look like  a swan. Unfortunately I doubt the guests want to play with the dust bunnies and  although I do have lots of animals, I somehow doubt we'll be able to pass them off as Fluffy and the gang - so I guess I'd better get cleaning.

Another problem I see is Faye. Faye is one of those uninvited guests that we aren't really sure if she's going to be town for the day or not. She might just show up. Unlike some people  coming she wont't bring dessert though, she'll bring rain and wind. Should Faye decide to appear - never fear - the party goes on. I will be running to the nearest dollar store to buy as many rain ponchos as I can. They will be distributed on a first come first serve basis so if you hear Faye might be here , come early to get one. I'm sorry no color choices are available.

Hopefully though , we have a nice bright sunny day so we can smell the Pony poop really well , we can get our faces painted , get a balloon monkey made and have a good time.

Look forward to seeing everyone - invited and not ( except Faye)

Getting Ready for a Piney Shindig

As most of you know, our adoption /housewarming Piney Picnic is coming up fast. What you might not know is that we are no where near ready for it.  Oh dont worry we'll get there - we may seem a little tired that day but we will be ready ! Donald has been fixing things and painting and of course as Shearer luck would have it breaking things he needs to fix again.  Now before you  get the idea that Donald is inept, he's not. He does have a cousin Murphy though that wrote some laws and they seem to have rubbed off on him. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Take today for instance, he's upstairs trying to get our bathroom up and trying to put up new paneling ( yes we are pineys and are installing paneling in the bathroom - Get Er Done!) while I was working down in my office. All of a sudden, I heard what sounded like a stampede of wild animals running through the upstairs and then falling. I thought someone had just broken out a Jumanji game but I figured I'd check. When I came out of the office, my husband was out of breathe. Apparently he broke a pipe in the bathroom, sprinted through the house, slid down the stairs and jumped over the downstairs bar with one hand to to shut off the water pump. Damn. I didn't know I married an Olympian.

While he was sprinting apparently he got his foot in some of the wet paint which of course is bright blue and got it on the hallway carpet. No problem - right?- we'll just get the steam cleaner , go over to the sink ,add cleaning agent and ....... NO WATER! Okay breathe in breath out  take deep breathes and move to.....

 -plan B - grab a bunch of recyclables and get ready to drive quickly ( so paint doesn't stain )  to Jennifer's house who lives a mile down the road and get water for the steamer. Just as I grab the jugs and bottles, my office phone rings so I run to get it, slip on the stairs and start tumbling down. I catch myself so I don't hurt myself too badly but I miss the phone. I am now out of breath trying to call my boss back and it keeps going to voicemail. As I look up  I see my new office ceiling that was installed last week has water marks in it  - Try boss again - VM - At this point I know I am running out of staining time so I run out jump in car and call boss from cell phone as I speed a mile down the road. Finally I get him and I am so discombobulated that when I speak I say incomplete sentences- Donald - Pipe Broke - over office - gotta go.  Finally I get water and come home- stains come out of carpet and the potty repair work ensued

Meanwhile later this evening  my well meaning children who want to help take care of the fowl in our yard ( the 6 keets have moved in to a dog run with Henrietta) go back to feed Henrietta and dont quite have the knack for closing the gate quickly . I never did realize that chickens run so quickly - apparently kids didnt either. After calming down the troops about the wayward chicken , Donald enclosed the keets in lock down area 1 so that the rest of the compound could be left open should she return. Apparently she really likes our very active circus here or she's a dumb one but either way she came back of her own accord. She is now safe  once again within the  Shearer Feathered Friends Compound.

I have now asked that a padlock be placed on the compound so children cant release our feathered friends to play the redneck game - catch the chicken.

So as of tonight we have water again , but the toilet is sitting on our front porch and our sink is  in our living room- Welcome to Pineyville.

Crying Fowl!

It's an auspicious day here in our homestead nestled safely in the Pinelands of NJ. It started the same as any other hectic Monday. 4 crazy kids reeling through the house, my mother coming over to do the laundry and to  find things that are wrong with my housekeeping and I was heading  on the long track to Princeton for my weekly meeting. Now I don't mind going into the office but  it does tire me.

The trip each way is long and we usually brainstorm so by Monday evening  I'm shot. This week I actually had to "dress" and no I don't attend the weekly Monday meetings naked but I usually wear jeans and my very comfy sandals. This week we had a potential client meeting so I had to look human with real shoes and all - the kind with heels- that hurt. Needless to say I was tired so I was none too happy when at 5:45pm , my wonderful husband told me I needed to pick up the kids from daycare before they turned into pumpkins( which happens at approximately 6pm). I asked where he was and he said he was out getting my "thing" Now I knew that probably meant the dog run I had seen on Craigslist for my chicken. Poor Henrietta hates being cooped  up but needs to be safe so I concluded she needed a chicken run. - Yes I know very Green Acres of me. Being in the country aircan do that to a perosn

Anyway by the time I got home with 4 squabbling kids in tow, I must have looked absolutely wiped because when I got out the car my husband asked " Long Ride?"

I replied" yes and I just want get all un corporate ( I really do hate dressing ) and be human again"  He chuckled and said " well this is the place to do it"--- That's when I heard an unfamiliar noise.

It started out as a slight Cheep Cheep and grew louder and more intense. I turned the corner into what used to be my sunroom and saw it was now taken over by baby cheeping something. Apparently while I was in Princeton brainstorming, my husband thought it might be a great idea to not only get my chicken run but to also get 10 guinea hen keets ( I just found out tonight that's what they are called)  After all they eat ticks and while I admit I had thought about getting one or two- 10 never crossed my mind.

Needless to say my night was spent calming excited children and getting pooped on for the very first time by a guinea hen keet.  My husband informed me that he didn't really plan on keeping all 10 , he was going to give some  to his friend who has a chicken farm.The problem is how do we decide how many to keep?After reading up on them they apparently are social birds and I'd feel guilty about breaking up the gang.So for now we just add them to our ever growing family.

If you've ever wondered if I am a hick wonder no more because not only did I enjoy this little fowl craziness, my husband informed me while he was purchasing the keets, he also got some fertile guinea hen eggs and fertile turkey eggs for his friend with the chicken farm. Fertile Turkey eggs?  My eyes glazed over and I laugh maniacally -

 Stay tuned for the birth of a Pinelands Turkey!

 

 

 

 

 

More Fun in the Woods

Life down here in the middle of no man's land has been swell. I am getting used to the 14 billion bug bites although I now know that I am not a candidate for Survivor as I would be the first person in the history of the show to be removed due to bug bites. I can hear the conversation now.

" Did you see my daughter on Survivor ? We were so proud of her!" " Oh what did she look like? she was the one removed in the first 10 minutes of the show that was swollen beyond recognition from 1000's bug bites"

I know I know - why don't you use OFF you're thinking? Well I have along with Skin So Soft , Cutter and any other known insecticide made for use on humans (  I have not however tried Raid)  While these wonderful concoctions work for some people , they simply do not for me. It's like adding steak sauce to an already juicy steak. It does not seem to deter the little buggers- they just slurp the stuff off and then bite. My doctor upon examining me just said "welcome to country livin"

So I now try to stay within the realms of my sun porch. Speaking of which I usually go out there at night to read and I have gotten very good at identifying wildlife. Just the other night I heard a strange noise that I immediately identified as the Jersey Devil. I was soo proud of me for being able to identify it that I called Donald out to tell him. He listened , said tree frog, rolled his eyes and went back to watching Home Demolishment or some show like that.

Speaking of which , we are redoing our laundry room. I might have mentioned that before but the project continues.... slowly. Things were looking up last week when my wonderful brother in law came over to help. Hubby and he were working at 7am - they were humming, birds were singing and I took the kids to day camp. When I pulled in an hour later ( yes we live THAT far away from the world) things were not so cheery. I heard grumbling and the distinct sound of a jackhammer. Needless to say my car tried to make a run to Atlantic City at that point but somehow I convinced it to pull in the driveway.

They made some progress on Friday but apparently now we are stuck in some sort of we need permit hell. Apparently because we need pro,we now need an electric permit, a plumbing permit and a blessing from the Pope. From what I understand the blessing is the easy part.

Of course my husband being male and all went down to the construction office to do what every red blooded american male would do in this situation. He made up a story about replacing the stove so we could forgo the plumbing and electrical permits and just get right to the blessing. Turns out good old Bob who used to own our house was a very active member of our community and part of the planning department so everyone in town knows this house ( that is except the garbage men who cant seem to find us until we call AFTER they've picked everyone's garbage but ours and complain ). SOOOO now we have to wait a few days , hubby has to return to building department - say he is married to crazy person who now wants a propane dryer in addition to the propone stove he told them about. So we'll have to start the process of getting the plumbing permit, the electrical permit and the pope blessing anyway. Estimated time for installation March 2009 - stay tuned.

As a side note- Henrietta is home. She was caught in her cute chicken trap on Sunday of this past week. My father being the ever helpful person that he is , volunteered to build  me a chicken coop- he even took my son with him.An hour later - I was impressed - he pulled up with a perfect rabbit hutch that he bought and handed me the bill for.  apparently he overestimated how much fun it would be to build a chicken coop in 95 degree weather. Henrietta is here but not happy as she feels the hutch is demeaning and would like a bigger area. If anyone knows of anyone with a spare coop on their hands or even a dog run , please let us know. We want a happy chicken!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first week

Well as you know we have relocated to the great southern wildreness of NJ otherwise known as the Pinelands. We were fortunate to be able to purchase a home with almost 2 acres that backs up to 100s of acres of nothingness. Coming from Edison ( or as my husband warmly refers to it as - the concrete jungle) I am finding living out here a bit different than I was accustomed to . . The first morning we were here Donald  announced that we had a dead deer on our lawn - I never saw it because apparently 1.either someone scooped it up for lunch or 2- thetownship employees  are highly effective at picking up carcasses here and it was gone before I had a chance to sneeze. 

My new neighbor came over on her quad to introduce herself and warn us of the perils of  Chiggers

 I have learned that chiggers are nasty little  microscopic bugs we have an abundance of. Theyt bite and make it look like you have chicken pox. While there is a rumor that they get under your skin and lay eggs- it isnt true. They instead inject some sort of substance into your skin that produces a bit that blisters like chicken pox . I was told that the only things that help the itch are Tenactin or a product called Chigger X.   My neighbor also informed me that they have a giant bell they ring sometimes to signal dinner however if we should ever hear it being rung like crazy - it means there is an emergency we should respond to ( hello people? cell phones)

 

Kids are getting used to it although everytime one of them gets a tick on them ( which here is quite frequent ) they scream as if they are being chased by a wild grizzly. The second day here there was some deer ( alive) in our yard and the  kids screamed so loud I think I busted an earrdrum - which of course for those of us who love mornings so is always a great way to awaken

 

Tyler is having some problems adjusting as he HATES BUGS and keeps letting us know that , but other than the kids are having fun . they love daddy's new very expensive Kubota and we even each got free hats with it ( yes people I did need a pink baseball cap that says KUBOTA across it )

 

 

The mailbox is a nice exercise routine for me and I find the long walks to get the mail soothe my frazzled nerves from the kids screaming "TICK ". Luckily I have a very large walk in closet that I can see my self having to organize - quite a bit - especially on rainy days when the kids are bored.

 

We have a general store that isnt too far away - 5 miles or so , it has bread, milk , eggss,sandwiches and of course bumper stickers that read " I'm a Piney from my head down to my Hiney"

 

About 3 nights into living here I went out to take my wonderful dog out. At night here you cant see more than a foot in front of you so it was pitch black. We had just walked out when something snorted at me - LOUD . It sounded quite large and was quite close so Diesel and I had a contest to see who could get in faster.- Donald of course thought it was hysterical.

 

 

This afternoon I got to meet another neighbor. He stopped by to see if we had a backhoe because apparently his horse died and he needed to " handle the situation"  and see if he could borrow a neighbors machinery. I have to admit , I am more used to neighbors stopping by to borrow a hammer or see if we had sugar - so the look on  my face must have been priceless.

Anyway, we're working on eliminating boxes and getting unpacked. We're getting there . next projects are the laundry room ( which if it isnt worked on this week by my wonderful husband- I will be hiring a plumber to come do it ) and my office.  Since I work from home an office important - it's whats paying for our rural living space Office currently is intact but has no doors or carpet or paint on walls and since I'm used to some comforts, I'd like that done eventually.