Monday, December 15, 2008

Changes at the North Pole

I spent today wrapping presents- Hours and hours of wrapping. I'm doing all this damned work so the Grinch doesn't have to. I think I'm a GREAT wife right about now ( sorry to throw that in but I'm starting to get damned tired)
Now mind you I hate wrapping so while I was sitting there folding paper until my fingers bled - I had nothing to do but muse about some of the changes that are happening at the North Pole....

Because of the ADA ( American with Disabilities Act),Santa has now had to hire handicapped elves. This is evident in the matter in which the gifts are wrapped
(some people are just born wrapping impaired and I fully admit to being one of them)Obviously Santa has put some of his more mentally challenged elves in the wrapping section but we are happy to see he is complying with the federal government.

In order to get into this year's GOING GREEN theme, Santa has eliminated boxes on clothing for persons under 52". The majority of those under 52" are children and could care less if their gifts are in a paper bag ( why are we getting clothing anyway? yeck !)and anyone else that falls into that category is so short they don't need a box to contain their clothes. This (and reindeer poop) is Santa's way of giving to the environment and being cost conscious

In order to cut costs, bows have been eliminated completely. They are over rated frilly things that were only designed to make a cheap gift look more expensive and a complete waste of time especially since children's eyes are so glazed on Christmas morning over they don't see the damned things anyway.


Also, Santa recently announced that there will be class held for all new elves next year in outside decorating with lights. Apparently some of the elves this year did not understand the principle of electricity and stapled through some light strands while decorating and trying to be helpful. There was an Emergency remediation class held late this year as Santa got tired of having to replace fuses.


Finally a memo has gone out advising elves that picking a Christmas tree in the woods should not take more than 45 minutes and certainly not over 2 hours. After spending that much time looking at trees, elves tend to get blurry eyed and are apt to pick any tree in haste which result in trees that looked good in the woods but are in reality quite crooked and half bare when they are erected indoors.

Santa would like to thank the elves for all their hard work this year and promise they will be handsomely rewarded this year at Christmas.( hint Hint)

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